The game is changing me

For the last two years, I've spent much of my time either too intoxicated to care or too sober to care. That really has nothing to do with what I'm thinking right now. I'm laughing to myself just reading it. I nearly deleted it but it was too great to erase from existence. Basically, I've had somewhat of a realization...

Not one of those life altering realizations...well maybe. I just realized that I've been going after women the same way I attracted the last woman in my life. Damn, if I could really explain how often I've beaten myself up and thought about it on a night just like this one. No one here, a glass of wine and an empty bottle.

The fact is...I'm a sad man. Not sad in the emotional sense but sad as a description of the type of man I am. I'm smart, strong, fairly confident and on my way to success. But, I don't provide excitement. Hell I barely provide a laugh lately. Something has changed and it took my damn friends invading my mind with thoughts that I have pushed off for so long. Thoughts that I couldn't believe were true because I had been shown differently from so many other sources. I was a sociology major as well as a comm major and I don't think I've used either one. The things I've learned I have completely ignored.

No longer will I believe the things I see and hear from the popular mediums. Who's to say that man has to behave a certain way to make a woman interested? Who's to say how we should treat each other and what has to be done to get to home plate. Yea, I'm taking it there. Fuck off. Basically the fact of the matter is, society has fed me shit for way too long. I was someone who said fuck society and pop culture but I was living in it. I studied the shit and I was falling victim to it. Well, you know what? Times are about to change. I can see things just a little more clearly and it really bothers me the way I found it. I hate it so much. But I hate what taught me this because it's right. Because I refused to believe it but now it makes sense...all because it finally hit me.

Too many nights like this one. Not enough nights like the ones I really desire. Too many rejections and failures instead of the successes I want. And after all that...I never changed it thinking I was the one that was right and you were the wrong one. Well I secede. You've won boys and I'm in. Time to take up the reigns and take 'em down.

For those that have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about...don't worry about it. This is the most strange thing I've ever written and I'm sure I'll laugh uncontrollably while I read this, but I'll be thinking YES the entire time.

I'm not going to be this guy anymore. I'm going to be more. I'm going to be what I know I can become. And I'm going to show it this time...