What is that I feel...

I know I know...everyone missed me.

I find myself dragging my feet lately. Not because I'm lazy but rather because I have no energy left. Normally that would be do to the consumption of alcohol or other intoxicants but I've been much more responsible with my body lately. Now it's merely because I feel like I haven't had a break from working in about 4 weeks. It's been nonstop. It's my life and that's depressing. I love my job, don't get me wrong. But in the end, my job is to get publicity for companies so they can make more money. When that's all you do, you start to question things. I'm not questioning my career but rather what I do with my free time. I need a freakin hobby.

I sat down the other day after getting a little time to myself and I thought, "Wow...I really haven't done anything but work recently and that's sad." Where are my adventures? Where are my crazy weekends of exploration and wonderment? Where's the fun at? I can go out with friends and drink and party and yell and scream and do things I regret but that's just not as much fun as you would think. I mean it is but not recently. I have felt so empty lately and that's depressing. There has to be something else out there for me that I'm missing. I need something to really excite me again. A year ago that was work. Now what? What will make me happy to the point that I can hardly control it. Something that will make me smile the biggest smile just because I woke up. It doesn't have to be someone laying next to me because my past has proved that that isn't always what will work.

In fact, I recently had an encounter that would normally make any guy "excited" with the mere anticipation of it. However, when it came time...I was uninterested. I was  not into it at all. I wanted something else but I can't figure out what that is. Think about it this way: have you ever woken up in the middle of the night because something woke you up but you weren't sure what? It wasn't a noise or a bad dream but merely a feeling. I've done that at least 6 times in the last 2 weeks. I just wake up and lay there thinking about who knows what. All I know is that there is something nagging at my brain, my body, the pit of my stomach...and it won't leave me be.

I haven't written anything of value really in the last like 10 posts but whatever. This one is for me because I've got that feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just happen to have a laptop on my lap...